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Laugh Away Last Year for the New Year

31 December 2012

By Larry Mak
The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands. "Lady," he said, " I just don't understand how you managed to pick the winner. It was a real long shot."

"Well," the old lady said." I really don't know myself. I just stuck a pin in the paper and that was it."

"That's all very well, lady," said the bookie,"but how did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"

"Oh," replied the old lady. "that was easy. Yesterday I used a fork."

  • * * * *

The next time you're in Las Vegas, try the Chinese restaurant in the Paris Las Vegas Casino. It's the only place where you'll find fortune cookies printed in French.

  • * * * *

Sign seen on the wall in the men's room of a Las Vegas wedding chapel:

First the engagement ring
Then the wedding ring
Then the suffering.

  • * * * *

Pete: "The wife of a gambling friend of mine won't go to Las Vegas with him any more.".

Joe: " Why not? What did he do?"

Pete: "He died."

  • * * * *

Elementary school teacher to gambler's son: "Billy, spell the word 'straight.' "

Billy: "S-t-r-a-i-g-h-t."

Teacher: "That's right. Now what does it mean?"

Billy: "Without ginger ale."

  • * * * *

Legalized bordellos in Nevada don't look forward to Halloween with kids knocking on the
door and yelling, "Trick or treat! Trick or treat!"

  • * * * *

He: "Do you know what they call slots in Atlantic City?:

She: "No, what?"

He: "Slots."

  • * * * *

Doctor to compulsive gambler: "The best thing you can do is to stop going to casinos, drinking, gambling, and carousing all night. Get a lot of exercise, stop smoking, and go to bed
early every night. Understand?"

Gambler: "Yes. But what's the second best?"

  • * * * *

"It was really nice of you to send your wife up to Lake Tahoe for a rest."

"Yes. And heaven knows I needed it."

This article is provided by the Frank Scoblete Network. Melissa A. Kaplan is the network's managing editor. If you would like to use this article on your website, please contact Casino City Press, the exclusive web syndication outlet for the Frank Scoblete Network. To contact Frank, please e-mail him at fscobe@optonline.net.

 

Some Jokes for the New Year

30 December 2012
A tourist was strolling along the beach in Atlantic City and came across an old lamp in the sand. He picked it up, rubbed it, and out popped an old, wizened genie. In an exasperated tone, the genie said, "Hey, this is the fourth time this month I've been picked up, and I'm getting a little tired of granting three wishes. ... (read more)
 

Merry Christmas Fun from Larry Mak

25 December 2012
A Kentuckian who spent his life in the remote Kentucky mountains went to Las Vegas. He was absolutely amazed at what he saw at the airport and along the route to his casino hotel. But his eyes really popped out when he saw a little old lady enter an elevator. The door closed, and she was gone. He almost ... (read more)
 

Some Humor for Christmas

19 December 2012
December 19, 2012 Overheard at a sports book counter: "Have you seen those signs that say SPEED KILLS? Well, I bet on one horse that's going to live forever." * * * * Mother telling a fairy tale to her son: "Once upon a time...." Her son interrupted her. "Mommy, do all fairy tales begin like that?" "No, dear," said the mother. ... (read more)

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Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

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