Gaming Guru

Jest For Fun

I take a philosophical look at things. Like if God had intended us to be rich, he never would have given us casinos.

* * * * *

Lots of slot players know a good machine the moment another player sees it first.

* * * * *

Nothing kills hope like reality.

* * * * *

In a family-friendly casino in Las Vegas, a seven-year-old asks his mother, "Mommy, why do people say to quit when you get ahead? Why would they want another head?"

* * * * *

When my wife starts losing heavily at slots, she becomes like Marie Antoinette--she loses her head.

* * * * *

There are two things that can't be bought: charm and luck in a casino.

* * * * *

He: "I'm putting a finishing touch to my slot system."
She: "What is it?"
He: "A match."

* * * * *

In a casino, illusion is as necessary to a gambler as reality.

* * * * *

The one crop that is harvested green in the Las Vegas desert is the tourist.

* * * * *

A woman visitor to Las Vegas got into a cab on the Strip. No sooner was the door closed when the cab lurched forward violently and went racing wildly along the boulevard, narrowly missing collision with other cars, buses, and pedestrians. The terrified passenger shouted to the driver, "Please be careful, driver. This is the first time I ever rode in a cab."

"That's nothing," said the driver in a foreign accent. "This is first time I drive in America."