Gaming Guru

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Wise gamblers start their bets low and increase them only when winning. When losing, they either decrease their bets or quit. This is one key secret of successful gamblers.

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It's a wondrous age we're living in. We have two things that are self-cleaning - ovens and the casinos.

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The best way to make your dreams come true in a casino is to wake up.

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A lady slot player was completely wiped out. Didn't have a cent left in her purse. So she goes up to a man she sees hitting it big at a slot and says to him, "Excuse me, sir, but can you help a woman in trouble?"

"Sure," said the man. "What kind of trouble do you want to get into?"

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The less one loses, the more time he has to lose.

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School board member to an applicant for a teaching position in the Las Vegas University: "Do you teach that gambling is good or bad?"

"Well, with my years of experience," said the applicant, "I can teach it either way."

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There's only one segment of society that thinks more about money than the casino. The poor.

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What do gamblers think when they see the three balls in front of a pawn shop?

Two to one you don't get it back.