Gaming Guru

Jest for fun

If Sam Goldwyn had been asked his opinion of slot machines, he would probably have said, "In two words I'll tell you about winning at slot machines: im ... possible!"

* * * * *

A little old lady in the Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas stopped to talk with a cleanup person who was jabbing scraps of paper on the floor with a stick. "Don't you find your work tiring?" she asked.

"Oh, not very," said the cleanup person. "I was born to it. My father used to harpoon whales."

* * * * *

A. "My uncle worked for a while at the Mirage Casino in Las Vegas. He was a veterinarian who took care of the white lions."

B. "Really? How did he treat them?"

A. "With the greatest respect."

* * * * *

A tourist is speaking with a five-foot tall lion cage cleaner at the Mirage Casino in Las Vegas.

Tourist: "Aren't you afraid to go into that cage with all those lions?"

Cage cleaner: "My small size is the secret of my success. The lions are waiting for me to grow so I'll be bigger game."

* * * * *

Two men at a casino bar are talking. "Did you hear the one about the card shark that plied his trade in New Orleans for 20 years? He finally stopped."

"Why," asked the listener. "Did he run out of money?"

"No," the first man said. "He was run out of town."

* * * * *

A man sidled up to a bar in a Reno casino. As he sat down he noted a sign, WE SERVE DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE COCKTAILS. The man asked the bartender what kind of drink that was.

"One drink," said the bartender, "and you're another man."