Gaming Guru

Jest for Fun

Many casinos have a small sign near the cashier's cage that says, "If you have a gambling problem call 1-800-Gamblers." A blackjack player wrote down the number and dialed it on his return home. The phone rang, and the player heard,"Gambler's Anonymous. How can I help you?" The blackjack player said, " I have a 2 and a 6 against the dealer's 10. What should I do?"

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Those topless showgirls in Las Vegas are great goodwill ambassadors for America. They show foreign visitors what American women are made of.

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A professional gambler was being cross-examined by a defense attorney.

"Are you sure about the accuracy of what you just said?" shouted the defense attorney at the gambler.

"Yes," said the gambler, "I'm sure."

"Would you bet a thousand dollars on the truth of that statement?" demanded the lawyer.

The gambler thought a moment, then said, "Yes, I would. That is, of course, if I could get the right odds."

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In a restaurant at the Paris Las Vegas casino, a customer asked a newly arrived waiter from France, "Where's the menu?"

The waiter who barely spoke English said, "Down ze hall and two doors to ze left."

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A tourist wading in the beach at Atlantic City was stung by a jellyfish and cried out in pain, "A jellyfish bit me in the leg!"

"Which one?" asked a solicitous lifeguard.

"I don't know," said the tourist. "All jellyfish look alike."

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A psychology teacher asks a gambler's son, "What is the name given to people who are the victims of false and unrealistic beliefs?"

Gambler's son: "Slot machine players."

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Ninety percent of the gamblers you see on the casino floor are in the same boat -- the Titanic.

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Mary: "Were you excited when you won $2000 at the slots?"

Jean: "Oh, no. I was cool, calm, and collected."

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Old Gambler's Saying: You have the same chance of hitting the jackpot on Megabucks whether you play it or not.