Gaming Guru

Jest for Fun

A woman sat down to play the slot machine next to me. Turning to me she purred a friendly hello. I didn't recognize her, but her fate was familiar.

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He: "Do you keep half the money you win at slots?"

She: "No, I usually don't win that much."

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Man to wife: "The next time our slot host tells us how loose the slots in this casino are, I'm going to hang a mistletoe on my shirt tail."

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Sherlock Holmes in the Monte Carlo casino on the French Riviera: "Ah, Watson, I see that you've been playing roulette and have lost your shirt."

Watson: "Marvelous, Holmes, marvelous!. How on earth did you deduce that?"

Holmes: "Elementary, my dear Watson. Roulette is the only game you play. And you're wearing a jacket and trousers, but no shirt."

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A lady on a Mississippi riverboat casino became nervous when a sudden storm came up with heavy winds and high waves, tossing the boat hither and yon. Going up to a security guard she timidly asked, "Excuse me, sir. Do you have storms like this on the river very often?"

"No," said the guard. "Not very often."

"Do passengers ever get lost in the river during a storm like this?" she asked.

"Oh, no, lady," said the guard reassuringly. "We always find them the next day."

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As part of a Reno divorce settlement, the pair split the house. He got the outside.

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Two men were commenting on a friend's bad luck at the racetrack. "Strange," said one, "how Bill is so lucky at cards and so unlucky at the track." "Nothing strange about that at all," replied the other. "They won't let him shuffle the horses."

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"I don't get it, Grandma," said the little boy. "If you don't play cards, why does daddy keep saying you're not playing with a full deck?"

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During our last trip to Las Vegas my wife played 100 slots and won on all but 99.

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In the early West, Las Vegas was a stopping point for those who wanted to get a fresh mount for their trip west. Everywhere you looked you would see stables. That will give you an idea of what Las Vegas was built on.

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There's an old saying in Reno, the country's divorce capital: "Alimony is the high cost of loving."

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Atlantic City is the only place in the world were when you go to buy a pair of nylon stockings they ask you for your head size.

Old Gambler's Saying: Money won at gambling can't buy happiness. Losing can't buy anything.