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Gaming Guru

 

Jest for Fun

7 April 2012

A seventh-grade English teacher asks a pupil, "Billy, what is an effigy?"

Billy: "I don't know."

Teacher: "An effigy is a dummy. Now, Billy, can you use that word in a sentence?"

Billy (thinks): "Oh, my father is a blackjack dealer in a casino. And every night at dinner he tells us all about the effigies that played at his table."

* * * * *

"I know a woman who was a cashier for years in a Las Vegas casino. But she went into something else."

"Really? What was that?"

"A Nevada state prison."

* * * * *

A tourist goes into one of those posh European restaurants on the Las Vegas Strip. After being seated, he asks the waiter, "Do you have a dinner for $20?"

Waiter: "Yes, sir, we do. Would you like it on white or rye?"

* * * * *

A poker-playing spiritualist needed another player for a Saturday night session and summoned the ghost of a departed companion. The ghost was delighted to sit in on the game. On the very first hand, he drew five beautiful hearts and bet his entire bankroll. Unfortunately, one of the live players had a full house and raked in the pot. Here's another example of where the spirit was willing but the flush was weak.

* * * * *

A gorgeous Las Vegas showgirl asked another showgirl of the same age why she was going to marry a 70-year-old high roller. "Simple," was the reply. "If someone offered you a check for two million dollars, would you look at the date?"

* * * * *

A man sitting at a slot machine noticed that the woman at the machine next to him always closed her eyes whenever she hit the spin button. "Excuse me, Lady," said the man. "But why do you always shut your eyes when you hit the spin button?"

"I know it's strange," said the lady. "But I can't bear to see myself losing on every spin."

* * * * *

A wiped-out poker player was sitting with another occupant on a bench on the boardwalk in Atlantic City.

Man #1 (heaving a sigh): "With my luck I wish I were dead."

Man #2: "With the luck I've had so far, I wish I could feel that good."

* * * * *

A Kentucky hillbilly on a flight to Las Vegas told a stewardess that he had a pain in his ears. To ease the pain caused by a change in cabin pressure, the stewardess give the hillbilly a stick of gum and a wad of cotton. At the end of the flight, the hillbilly thanked the stewardess, saying he found the cotton delicious, but he had trouble getting the gum out of his ears.

* * * * *

A Reno newspaper reported a burglary at a local manufacturer -- one that manufactured burglar alarms.

* * * * *

A former Mafia hit man opened a bar off the Las Vegas Strip. Since he's been open, no customer has ever complained that he didn't like the service.

* * * * *

I know a fellow who makes only mental bets at the tables. The other day he lost his mind.

* * * * *

Old Gambler's Saying: The slot machine is proof that you can fool all of the people some of the time.

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak:

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak: