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Gaming Guru

 

Jest for Fun

2 June 2012

A curious patron asked a casino personnel manager why he preferred married men for blackjack dealers. "It's simple," said the manager. "Married men don't get upset when they're yelled at."

* * * * *

A botany teacher asks a gambler's son, "What plant is peculiar to the Nevada desert?"

Gambler's son: "The shamrock."

Teacher: "The shamrock? Shamrocks are found only in Ireland."

Gambler's son: "That's right. That's what would make the shamrock peculiar to the Nevada desert."

* * * * *

A married couple returned to their casino hotel room and found two tickets to a favorite show on their bed with the cryptic message, "Guess who these are from?"

The couple called the front desk to ask who delivered the tickets, but was told they were not delivered by the household staff. The couple went to the show and had a good time. But when they returned to their room they discovered that it had been robbed. And on the bed was a new note: "Now you know."

* * * * *

The Atlantic City Chamber of Commerce reported that there's no more crime in the city. True. The casinos have left nothing to steal.

* * * * *

During one of those freak rainstorms that flood the Las Vegas Strip, a tourist dialed 911.

"Help me! I'm calling from a hotel on the Strip and I'm standing in one foot of water!"

The 911 operator replied, "That's not a flood emergency around here."

"No?" shrieked the tourist. "I'm calling from the second floor!"

* * * * *

A junket is what you fly to a casino.

And when you get back, it's what the bank teller tells you what you can do with your bank account.

* * * * *

Conventions in Las Vegas can be very educational. It gives out-of-towners a chance to learn what losing is like.

* * * * *

A Megabucks jackpot winner was complaining to her accountant about the amount of tax she has to pay on her winnings. "Well, now," said the accountant, "we must learn to pay our taxes with a smile."

"I wish I could," said the big winner. "But the IRS insists on money."

* * * * *

A young lass was speaking with her girlfriend about her wedding in a Las Vegas wedding chapel.

"On the day my wedding took occurred...." She was interrupted in mid-sentence by her friend who said, "Forgive me for interrupting you, but affairs such as marriages, receptions, and things like that take place, not occur. You use the verb occur only to describe a calamity or disaster.

"Yes," said the young lass. "As I was saying, on the day my wedding occurred...."

* * * * *

A customer in a topless Las Vegas restaurant said to a waitress, "Bring me a dozen oysters--one at a time."

* * * * *

Old Gambler's Saying: Strip poker is probably the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it.

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak:

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak: