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Gaming Guru

 

Jest for Fun

4 August 2012

A very popular figure in the Las Vegas gambling scene died, and a large number of his gambling friends turned out for the funeral. As the preacher went on about how the deceased was a good family man, friend, and member of the community, he asked those present not to think of the deceased as dead, but just sleeping. A gambler friend in the back of the congregation was overheard to say, " I have a hundred that says he's dead."

* * * * *

Diner to a French waiter in a restaurant of the Paris-Las Vegas casino: "How do French dishes compare with the American ones?"

Waiter: "Oh, they break just as easily."

* * * * *

A businessman returned from Las Vegas after leaving $5000 in markers in one casino. He ignored the markers until one day his secretary buzzed him on the intercom.

"Yes?" said the businessman.

"There's a man out here who wants to see you about some money you owe his casino," said the secretary. "He didn't give me his name."

"What does he look like?" asked the businessman.

"He looks like you better pay him," said the secretary.

* * * * *

An English tourist in the Flamingo Casino on the Las Vegas Strip was told by a slot host that the casino goes back to the notorious Bugsy Siegel.

"Really?" asked the tourist. "What's wrong with it?"

* * * * *

Bill: "I played a slot machine that came from a tribe in Africa?"

Joe: "Zulus?"

Bill: "No. I actually won some."

* * * * *

The owner of a small department store lost so much money in a casino that when he got home he had a pre-fire sale.

* * * * *

A man from Maine, tired of the cold winters, moved to Las Vegas. One day he was asked, "Don't you mind the hot sun in the summertime?"

"No," said the man. "You don't have to shovel it."

* * * * *

A Texan, losing heavily on a slot machine, said to a slot host, "If this machine was a horse, it would have to be shot."

* * * * *

The following movie rating appeared on a TV set in a Las Vegas motel room that offered rental movies:

G: The good boy gets the girl.
R: The bad boy gets the girl.
X: Everyone gets the girl.

* * * * *

Old Gambler's Saying: Strip poker is the only game in town in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it.

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak:

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak: