Merry Christmas Fun from Larry Mak

25 December 2012

By Larry Mak

A Kentuckian who spent his life in the remote Kentucky mountains went to Las Vegas. He was absolutely amazed at what he saw at the airport and along the route to his casino hotel. But his eyes really popped out when he saw a little old lady enter an elevator. The door closed, and she was gone. He almost fell over when a few moments later the same door opened and out stepped a gorgeous showgirl. "Well, I'll be doggoned," he said. "If I'd a known about that contraption I'd a brung my old woman along."

• * * * *

At a seedy Atlantic City diner a patron complains to a waiter: "I don't like all these flies in here."

"OK," said the waiter. "Show me the ones you don't like and I'll get rid of them."

• * * * *

A doctor says to a compulsive gambler, "The best thing you can do is to stop going to casinos, drinking, gambling, and carousing all night. Understand?"

"What's the second best thing?" asked the gambler.

• * * * *

One poor racehorse just couldn't run fast enough, so the jockey began beating him furiously with his whip. Taking about as much of the whipping as he could, the horse turned his head to the jockey and said, "Why do you keep hitting me? There's nothing behind us."

• * * * *

A man tripped and fell on the sidewalk in front of a casino, sustaining minor injuries.
"You're lucky you fell in front of a casino," said a witness. "Now you can sue the casino manager for thousands of dollars."

"I can't do that," said the accident victim.

"Why not?" asked the witness.

"Because I'm the casino manager."

• * * * *

Donald Trump was driving through New Jersey and had to make a stop at a small town. It was late, and he couldn't find a motel or hotel. So he drove up to a big red building which was brightly lit and asked the first man he saw whether he could be put up for the night.

"Sorry," said the man. "This is an insane asylum."

But Trump wouldn't be put off. "I have to sleep somewhere for the night," he said. "I'm tired. Can't you accommodate me? I'm Donald Trump, and I'll make it worth your while."

The man thought a moment then said, "OK. We already have five Donald Trumps. I suppose we can make room for a sixth."

• * * * *

I saw an old film clip about Fremont St. in downtown Las Vegas. A real oldie. It showed people driving up to a casino and finding a parking space right in front.

• * * * *

Many slot players have given up playing the machines because of illness and fatigue. They became sick and tired of losing.

• * * * * *

Old Gambler's Saying. When your luck begins to run out, it keeps on running.