Slotpourri

29 April 2001

By Larry Mak

There are three types of lies: Lies, damn lies, and positive thinking.

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Teacher to gambler's son: "What comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb?"

Gambler's son: "A slot player with a system."

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I've made it a rule never to play slots before sunset and after dark.

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Sign seen above entrance to a Puerto Rican casino: SE HABLA YOUR BANKROLL.

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I can't understand why casino unions are demanding shorter hours. What's wrong with 60 minutes?

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The U.N. is like a slot machine in Las Vegas. You keep feeding it, but it never pays off.

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There's a Native American at the Foxwoods Indian Casino in Connecticut called Running Deer. He tried his luck at the tables. He's now called Running Broke.

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I won't say how I did on my vacation in Reno. But my wife said that we're the only family on the block with a breadloser.

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My wife played a slot called Sweet Chariot. After a half hour of play, her bankroll began to swing low.

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It's a wondrous age we're living in. We have two things that are self-cleaning - ovens and the casinos.

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There once was a pit boss who was severely reprimanded by higher authority for screaming, yelling, and calling his customers unpleasant names. On the way back to his section, he said to himself, "That does it. No more Mr. nice guy!"

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The saying "It's better to have loved and lost" describes an unlucky gambler on his honeymoon.

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Slot playing is a lot like magic. Now you see it, now you don't.

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A pit boss became seriously ill and was out of work for a long time. When he finally went back to work, one of his dealers said to him, "While you were gone, we all prayed for you."

"Which way?" snarled the pit boss.