Gaming Guru

Slotpourri

A man returns to his hotel room after asking the casino credit manager for a line of credit. His wife asks, "Well, dear, did you get a line of credit?"

Husband: "Why, the credit manager was just like a lamb."

Wife: "Really? What did he say?"

Husband: "Ba-a-a-a-a-h!"

A. "I have absolutely no luck with slots, I'm giving them up."

B. "Lucky fellow."

During World War II, some GIs were playing poker in a British pub with some of the local men. One of the British players picked up his hand and said, "I'll wager a pound."

A GI looked at his hand, which had four aces. He said, "I don't know much about your money, but I'll see your pound and raise you a ton."

A deceased casino debt collector knocked on the gates of hell and asked Satan for permission to enter. "Why do you wish to come here?" asked Satan.

Collector: "I just want to collect some gambling debts from welchers who died before I could collect."

Satan: "How do you know they're here?"

Collector: "Well, every time I tried to collect, this is the place everyone told me to go.

Q. "Why was the invisible man depressed?"

A. "He won $2000 at a slot machine. But because he had no photo ID, they wouldn't pay him.

Today's slots really have some unique names. There's one called FLATTERY. It gets you nowhere. Then there's one named ENTHUSIASM. Everybody puts everything they've got into it.

Teacher to a gambler's son: "Billy, you should never underrate yourself. You know what underrate means, don't you?"

Gambler's son: "Yes, teacher. Seven and under."

Waiter to customer in a casino restaurant: "Would you like your coffee black, sir?"

Customer: "What other colors do you have?"

"You're cheating!" the card dealer said to one of the players.

"No, I'm not!" the player said.

"You must be," said the dealer. "You're not playing the hand I dealt you."