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Gaming Guru

 

Slotpourri

30 January 2000

You don't know what exclusive is unless you've spent some time at one those giant megaresorts in Las Vegas. One day I asked a bellboy for change of a dollar. He said, "Pal, around here a dollar is change."

* * * * *

Nevada is a good place to live in. If you happen to be a slot machine.

* * * * *

SATAN TO PIT BOSS: "The trouble with you pit bosses is that you think you are the best people down here. Well, you 're not. You 're just the most numerous."

* * * * *

Winning is not an acquired pleasure. One takes to it immediately.

* * * * *

They say money talks. When it does, it says good-bye.
They say money talks. But when it hears my name it says, "Who?"

* * * * *

A WOMAN TOLD A DOCTOR FRIEND that every time she played slots for an hour she became dizzy. "But when the hour has passed, I feel OK. What do you recommend?"

Doctor: "Play for only 59 minutes."

* * * * *

PATIENT TO DOCTOR: "Doctor, I keep having the delusion that I'm a deck of cards. Can you help me?"

Doctor: "Please sit down over there. I'll deal with you in a few minutes."

* * * * *

The Bridge to Hawaii

A man was walking along a California beach and came across an old lamp lying in the sand. He picked it up, rubbed it, and out popped an old, wizened genie. In an exasperated tone, the genie said, "Hey, this is the fourth time this month I've been picked up. And I'm getting a little tired of granting three wishes. So, buddy, you're going to get only one wish. Now, what is it?"

The man thought a while, then said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid to fly and I get seasick Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii?"

The genie laughed and said, "Why, that's impossible! How could the bridge supports reach to the bottom of the ocean? Think how much concrete, how much steel. No, I can 't do that. Think of another wish."

Again, the man thought, then said, "I go to Las Vegas two or three times a year to play the slots. And I lose every time. I've read books on the game, talked to professional slot players, subscribed to all kinds of gaming magazines. But no matter what I've read or studied, I keep losing every time. So if there's a secret way to beat the slots, tell me. I command you."

The genie replied, "Do you want that bridge with two lanes or four?"

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak:

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak: