Gaming Guru

Slotpourri

No matter how little a slot gives you back, it's called a win. In reality, the slot is just giving you back a little of what you put into it. Unless, of course, you hit a really big jackpot. But if you put $50 into a slot and got back $30, you didn't win $30, you lost $20. Simple math.

Breathes there a man with soul so dead who sat at a slot and said, "When I win, I'm gonna stop."

A small win at the wrong slot is better than no win at the right one.

Your luck at any time will be either better or worse.

Mother to daughter: "I don't like your going to Las Vegas to marry the millionaire you're engaged to. I really believe you'd be happy with a man with less money."

Daughter:"Don't worry, Mother. You'll soon have your wish."

Traffic is so heavy on the Las Vegas strip, what the city needs is Dristan for the streets.

Some slot players are rather like a mosquito in a nudist camp. They know what they ought to do, but don't know where to begin.

I won't say the Atlantic City motel I stopped at wasn't a clip joint, but if you want to see the ocean, you drop a quarter into a slot and the Venetian blinds open for 30 minutes.

For some people there is no greater satisfaction than playing off credits someone left in a slot machine.

A man goes up to the VIP check-in counter at a Reno casino.

"Get in that line over there," the reservations clerk said.

"But I'm a VIP," said the man. "And I don't have to stand in line."

"I know that," said the clerk. "That's the line for people who don't have to stand in line to check in."