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Gaming Guru

 

Slotpourri

30 September 1999

I played one of those slots that pay out in scrip. But no matter what I did, I always ended up getting the slot's equivalent of a "Dear John" letter.

* * * * *

Fred: "Boy, after this past weekend in Reno, I see nothing but spots before my eyes."

Carl: "Did you see a doctor?"

Fred: "No, just slots."

* * * * *

An astrologer gave me some bad news. "When you go to a casino, don't gamble on any day of the week that ends in a "Y".

* * * * *

People claim the streets in Atlantic City aren't safe. That's ridiculous. The streets are absolutely safe. It's the people on them who aren't safe.

* * * * *

It's amazing how panhandlers in Las Vegas have modernized their methods. They now accept travelers checks and credit cards.

* * * * *

Business at one casino bar was so bad, they cut the whisky, scotch, and bourbon. You could expect that at a bar. But beer?

* * * * *

I know a mink who has only one ambition in life - to own a coat made of Las Vegas chorus girls.

* * * * *

The Stratosphere Casino in Las Vegas is so high, they show movies in the elevator.

* * * * *

A married poker player goes back to his room after a really unlucky playing session. As he enters the room, his wife wakes up. Disgustedly he says to her, "Ask me how I did." "OK," she said. "How did you do?" He said, 'Don't ask'."

* * * * *

You remember the slot players? God's unchosen children.

* * * * *
A positive attitude after a long losing streak disappears the same way a lap does after a person stands up.
* * * * *

Some of the off-the-strip restaurants in Las Vegas will do anything to get business. I visited one where they had waitresses wearing topless outfits. I'm against it. But my wife didn't believe me. "You're against waitresses wearing topless outfits?"

"Sure am. It's bad enough when they put their fingers in your soup."

* * * * *

I talked to one of the owners of a topless restaurant, He said that even though their waitresses wear topless outfits, male diners don't look up from their food. I said, "Really. Big eaters?" "No," he said. "Big wives."

* * * * *

Those half-nude feature shows in Las Vegas are something. They really show foreign tourists what Americans are made of.

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak:

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak: