Gaming Guru

Slotpourri

Can't understand it. The minute a swank casino restaurant calls a dish international cuisine, the price doubles. How much can garlic cost?

I finished my meal in one of those swanky Las Vegas Strip restaurants. The first time I ever saw a Diner's Club card turn pale.

Line of Succession

A gambler's son is being quizzed by a history teacher.

Teacher: "What is a monarchy?"

Son: "A people governed by a king."

Teacher: "Right And who would reign if the king died?"

Son: "The queen."

Teacher: "And if the queen should die?"

Son: "The jack."

I'll tell you why I quit playing the slots. I've been playing them for 15 years. And I just wanted to give it up before it became a habit.

Believe me. It's not as hard as you think to quit a slot you've been losing at. All you need is will power, determination, an empty wallet, and a maxed-out credit card.

I'm not alone. I know a lot of people who have sworn off of slot playing. And believe me, the swearing doesn't stop there.

He Who Laughs Last

I took a friend to the Jules Verne restaurant at the top of the 50-story Las Vegas Eiffel Tower. He laughed when I spoke to the waiter in French. But the last laugh was on him. I told the waiter to give him the check.

Losing is the price the players pay to get into the casino.

"It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong-but that's the way to bet." Damon Runyon

To win is easy. To keep a win is hard. To walk out the door with a win is even harder.

If Charles Dickens lived today, he would never have written his immortal "A Christmas Carol." Tiny Tim would be covered by an HMO, Jacob Marley would be in Forest Lawn, and Scrooge would be a casino credit manager.