Gaming Guru

Slotpourri

I know a guy who got $10,000 from one of those Las Vegas Strip casinos. He slipped on a banana peel and sued.

Some casinos do have feelings for their patrons. Like sending CARE packages to their homes.

Can't get over those prices at the airport. Yesterday, I had lunch in one of those snack bars at the McCarran Airport in Las Vegas. I said to the cocktail waitress, "I'm sorry, but all I have is a $50 bill." She said, "that's OK. You can use your credit card for the rest."

Among the books with unhappy endings are the checkbooks you bring to a casino.

People who no longer play slots in a casino have the same problems as people spending their first day in a nudist colony - what to do with their hands.

I don't want to brag, but I took in $3000 a day in Las Vegas. As a cashier in a supermarket.

Every time I gamble in a casino, my wallet feels like the sultan in the harem. It touches new bottoms.

Those Las Vegas hospitals are really something. They have X-ray machines that take four poses for a dollar--double or nothing. But I think those coin-operated bed pans are going too far.

I dreamt I was at a slot machine when Marilyn Monroe came up to me and said, "I will grant you three wishes." Pause. "Now, what are the other two?"

Everything comes to him who waits -- except a loan to a friend or relative in a casino.

Some play slots to kill time on machines that are already dead.

One disgruntled slot player likened slot playing to the Seven Dwarves. When you go into a casino, you're Bashful. When you win a pot, you're Happy. When you lose, you're Grumpy. When you bet down to your last dollar, you're Dopey.