Slotpourri

29 July 2001

By Larry Mak

A casino patron asked a security guard, "What's that strange odor I smell in here?"

"Probably the dead slots," said the guard.

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A Martian wandered from his spaceship in the Nevada desert into one of the Las Vegas Strip casinos. He walked in just as a slot machine was spewing forth a torrent of dollar tokens. When the flow subsided, the Martian went up to it and said, "Pal, with a cold like that, you should be home in bed."

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Nothing kills luck like the lack of it.

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He: "Did you hear about the gambler who mixed poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?"
She: "No. What happened?"
He: "He ended up with a rash of good luck."

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One of the first things you learn in a casino is never to listen to anyone who wants you to try his system with your money.

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In Reno I visited a joint with crooked gambling and watered liquor - a place where the dice get more loaded than the players.

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The Paris-Las Vegas Casino really has high-class restaurants. Dinner is $25 a plate. And you have to catch your own snails.

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Daffynishion of a budget: A schedule for going into debt gradually in an attempt to live below your yearnings.

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Those who don't rely on luck lessen their bad luck.

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A blackjack player dropped dead while playing in a casino. And no one wanted to phone his wife to tell her what happened. Finally a friend of the deceased made the call.

"Mary," he said, "Bill lost $2000 playing blackjack."

"What?" screamed the wife. "He should drop dead!"

"Funny you should say that," said the friend.