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Gaming Guru

 

Slotpourri

26 August 2001

In the year 4000, archeologists were poking around in the dust of what once was Las Vegas, trying to determine the decline and fall of American civilization. All they could find were poker chips.

* * * * *

Keep your bets low, and you'll avoid the mourning after.

* * * * *

If it weren't for parking meters, church collection plates, and slot machines, the government could do away with nickels.

* * * * *

The only international language is the one in which money talks.

* * * * *

Money talks. And in the casino, it's the only talk worth hearing.

* * * * *

Money talks. But in a casino, its voice gets weaker and weaker.

* * * * *

Personally, I don't believe in feeding slot machines. If they're hungry, let them go out and work like I do.

* * * * *

The word "loose," as in "loose slots," doesn't apply when I play them.

* * * * *

A man takes a date to a restaurant in the Paris-Las Vegas Casino. And to impress her, he orders their dinners in French. Then turning to his date he said, "My high school French ain't so good, but the waiter understood me."

"Mais, oui, monsieur," said the waiter with a slight accent. "And if you don't mind my saying so, it compares favorably with your high school English."

* * * * *

The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.

* * * * *

A gambler taught his dog how to play poker like a real pro. One day he took the dog to a friendly poker game. And to his dismay, the dog lost almost every hand. At the end of the game, he asked one of the players what the dog did wrong.

"Oh," said the player. "It's simple. Every time he had a good hand he gave himself away."

"How?" asked the gambler.

"Well," said the player. "Every time he had a good hand, he wagged his tail."

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak:

Larry Mak
Larry Mak is a former science writer at the California Institute of Technology and he is currently a freelance gaming author.

Books by Larry Mak: