Gaming Guru

Slotpourri

Did you read about where Liberace had a sequined dinner jacket made that cost him $3000? That's ridiculous. Why anyone who pays more than $2000 for a dinner jacket is crazy!

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The Nevada state symbol is the slot machine.

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I must complain that the cards are ill-shuffled until I have a good hand. (Jonathan Swift)

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I've made it a rule never to play slots before sunset and after dark.

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After getting married in one of those quickie Las Vegas wedding chapels, a couple checked into a casino hotel. While registering, they asked the desk clerk to keep their newlywed status a secret. The next morning, the newlyweds noticed people staring at them while having breakfast. Very angry, the groom went to the desk clerk and complained about his telling everyone they were a pair of newlyweds.

"I never told them that," said the clerk. "I just said that you two were just good friends."

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I can't understand why casino unions are demanding shorter hours. What's wrong with 60 minutes?

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There's a Native American at the Foxwoods Indian Casino at Foxwoods, Conn., called Running Deer. He tried his luck at the tables. He's now called Running Broke.

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A young comedian finished his act at the Comedy Club in the Riviera Casino in Las Vegas. On his way out, a man who was in the audience came up to him and said, "Man, your jokes were terrible! I never heard worse!"

"Oh, I don't know," said the comedian. "I threw a bunch of them into a furnace and the fire roared."

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My wife played a slot called Sweet Chariot. After a half hour of play, her bankroll began to swing low.

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Most of us know how to quit a cold slot. Few of us know when.

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A Martian landed in Las Vegas and wandered into a casino. He watched people coming and going at this one slot machine. Finally, after two hours of watching, he went up to the machine and said, "I want to shake your hand too."